I’m not sure how or where to begin this blog because there is no beginning or end to write about. You see I’m trying to construct a circle, not a mathematical circle but my own invisible circle of self-love and self-discovery. My safe, sacred space, my connection to all that is spiritual and in tune with Nature, Humanity and this beautiful planet Earth we’re fortunate to live on
Last night I slayed a dragon and it was awesome. Well it wasn’t really a dragon – I actually rather like the concept of dragons and I wouldn’t want to hurt one, but it was my own personal Nemesis that I confronted and conquered. You see I’m a woman of a certain age with mental health issues. I’ve lived with them all my life and most times they overwhelm me to the extent that I cannot leave the safety of my home. There have been times when I have been unable to answer my front door unless I was expecting you and you knew the coded knock and doorbell ring and as for the telephone well that too was a no-no!! In fact I couldn’t answer that even if I was expecting your call. This has restricted my life considerably and I’ve missed out on a lot of joy, as you can imagine. There have been many golden opportunities I’ve chosen to ignore and let go. However as long as I was safe in my little cocoon I didn’t care. Except that that is not in the great plan, the grand scheme of things. God, the Creator, the Universe, whatever you believe does not intend us to live in isolation – No Man is an island – as Donne puts it!
Lately I’ve become aware of this and I’ve noticed a shift in my way of thinking. My spirit is yearning to go out and escape the ivory tower I’ve imprisoned myself in, to meet and mingle with other souls, to make connections, to find and liberate myself from my demons. I’ve taken steps to heal my broken spirit; I’m on the right medication, I go to a support group and I’ve been on a course learning how to blog. However I wanted to do something more physical but what, I did not know?
I’ve always been interested in spirituality and other cultures and thanks to the blogging course I’ve met some wonderful people who have shared their stories with me and I’ve gained insight into worlds where I would never have journeyed and been introduced to ideas that I would never before have considered. So with gentle encouragement I’ve joined a dance class, a belly dancing class, no less. I took myself off and went on my own. See what I mean about a dragon slayer?
It was a tough call but I’m determined to finish the 10 week term. My bones are stiff, I’m not as supple as I’d like to be and it’s true to say I’m twice the woman I used to be! Someone at the class noticed that I was taking too big a step. I had a wry laugh to myself, if only she had known just how big those steps really were. I felt awkward and self-conscious with my body and lack of grace compared to everyone else. Indeed I felt like an elephant amongst a gathering of graceful gazelles. I learnt that the dance steps are inspired by what is seen in Nature. The movement reflects the movement of the snake and the camel, the rustle of the wind. I was enjoying myself so much I stopped caring what I looked like besides even an elephant has a place in the Jungle!
I learnt today that in some cultures the elephant is regarded as a powerful sacred spirit animal symbolising dignity, loyalty, strength, power, patience and good luck. He serves as a warning to nurture yourself first before reaching out to help others and a reminder that perhaps we have isolated ourselves from family and friends and need to find our way home. So I’m embracing my inner elephant, I’m adopting her as my sacred spirit animal totem, after all we have so much in common.
So as I said at the beginning of this blog there isn’t going to be an end, I’m learning to accept myself, flaws and all. I’m creating my circle and I’m breaking out of my cocoon. Life is opening up an endless supply of joy and possibility and I’m embracing them with arms wide open. The circle is endless.